1 out of 5 stars (don’t see it. ever)
The first thing that I need to say about the new kids’ film “Furry Vengeance” is that it’s definitely a film that will entertain either young ones or those who are looking for something ridiculous. My question throughout the film was “Where the heck is Dr. Doolittle?” I have a theory that says whenever a kid’s film is advertised repeatedly on TV; when you can’t watch anything without seeing it, then it’s bound to be a failure. An example would be Jackie Chan’s flop “The Spy Next Door.” This correct theory excludes movies like “Transformers” or “Iron Man.” Some of the characters are so unbelievable that I just hated them. If there’s one good thing to say character-wise, it’s that Brendan Fraser’s son, Tyler (Matt Prokop), is very believable and likeable.
Now let us turn to my opinion about the quite screwed-up career of Brendan Fraser. What is with this guy? He has made some good movies (“The Mummy“, “Journey to the Center of the Earth,”) but mostly he makes films that are badly reviewed (“Extraordinary Measures”, this.) Fraser seems to have the mindset that if he makes a good movie, he can turn around and immediately make a bad one in the blink of an eye. I just hope that his next few films are good.
This time, Fraser plays Dan, a real-estate developer for a supposedly “green” company. Neal Lyman (Ken Jeong), an Asian man who wants Dan to take care of a new housing project that will totally clear the forest surrounding it, runs this joke of an eco-friendly firm. Lyman insults both himself and his entire race by repeatedly switching dialects from Asian to all American. To add on to all this, Dan’s wife, Tammy (Brooke Shields) and his son, Tyler are very unhappy about living in a place that’s practically as isolated as the location of the hotel in “The Shining,” minus the ghosts.
Unfortunately, the animals who live in said forest don’t take too kindly to Dan’s intentions, and therefore try to get him out by various means. These include skunks stinking up his car (twice) and crows knocking on his roof every night, causing sleep deprivation.
Many other perils befall the protagonist, but enough about that. It seems that every kid’s film must have the main character’s crotch attacked by something. In this case, Dan falls on it while on the roof, and a quite ticked off raccoon attach itself to it. I understand children love pain, but is there any possible way to have a kid’s movie with no attacking of the private parts?
My recommendation for this very messed up movie is that if you have 5-7 year-olds, put them in it and go see the new “Nightmare on Elm Street” for 90 minutes. Hey, you’ll be scared to death, but you won’t be annoyed to death
Rated PG for some smoking, mild language, and some rude humor